i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
