True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
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i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
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I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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