you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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