how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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