your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
