worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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