Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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