You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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