i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
