I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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