the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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