Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize