We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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