I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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