i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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