i permit you to call me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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