Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
