Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
