ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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