Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
