Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i've created a new STD.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
