It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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