I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
