I accidentally burped into my bong.
I looked at my own cervix.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Hippo gnu deer
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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