addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
