Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
