I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
