can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
