I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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