Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
