my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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