T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
