What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
