He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
