so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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