my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
