wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
