Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
