Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
