I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No...this little piggys going to the bar
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I had to cum in my sink.
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