so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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