Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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