You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
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I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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