Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
