Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
