I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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