I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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