I'm gonna have a badass scar
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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