Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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