youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
