i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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