xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
