based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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