i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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