Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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