I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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