So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
