My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
