I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
