Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
