I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
