As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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