Moan for me like Helen Keller
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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