You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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