He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
