everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
