Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
