My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
