Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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