Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
