You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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