His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
