she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
