ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
nutella sex= disaster
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Threesome in a minivan. New low
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
