sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
