new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
