You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
