I cannot find my penis.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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